It's been a year...

It's been exactly 1 year since I'd last posted on my blog...

Sobrang dami ng nangyari sa buhay ko and parang I ended up with only NOTHING.

Sobrang daming pains and heartaches na naranasan ko 1 taon matapos akong huling magpost sa blog na 'to...

It seems like this blog is my personal diary, but it's not a secret at all kasi I want to share to you everything that I have...

As of now, I'm still floating in the air, mourning and grieving for the lost of my only love...

Not the literal Lost na namatay but Break-up...

I still can't accept the fact na iniwan na ako ng taong sobrang minahal ko even though in a short period of time...

Para kasi sakin, when you are in love, it doesn't matter how long your relationship last but what matter is the importance and the love that you are giving to each other...

Para kasi sa kanya, siguro, mahalaga kung gaano katagal na naging kayo...

Honestly speaking, mahal na mahal ko pa rin sya...

sobrang mahal na mahal ko pa rin sya hanggang ngayon kahit na sabihin pa nya sakin na mas gusto nya na mawala na lang ako ng tuluyan, patuloy ko pa rin syang minamahal...

It's been almost a year na wala na kami...

Pero, masakit pa rin hanggang ngayon eh...

I've been suffering in sever depression for almost a year and I can't do nothing in it...

I've lost myself already... Cheated myself... Hurt myself...

And now, I'm ended up with nothing...

Hindi ko talaga maintindihan kung bakit hindi ako maintindihan ng ibang tao....

Ganun ba talaga ako kaiba sa kanila at hirap na hirap silang intindihin ako???

Siguro nga I'm really a MORON tulad ng sinabi ng ex ko...

pero in spite that, I'm still hoping for some changes between the two of us...

gusto ko sanang maibalik yung maganda naming samahan kahit hindi katulad ng dati...

masaya kasi ako kapag napapasaya ko sya... kapag napapatawa... napapangiti...

pero, lagi na lang syang nagiinsist...

I'm so drunk in this forlorn...

They're getting tired of listening to me because I always say same things all the time but they do not know why and do not intend to know it...

Ako rin, napapagod na, and sometimes I think na magsuicide na lang dahil I'm losing hope...

I can't focus on one thing anymore, especially on my studies...

I've got failing marks because of this[depression]...

I'd lost interest on the things that I'm doing regularly before our break-up...

I'd lost EVERYTHING...

And now, I'm seeking for help but, nobody wants to help me...

Instead, they are just pulling me down unto the grave...

I do not know now how to be myself again...

because this is not me at all...

I'm a very different person now after the break-up...

Still hoping for the person who causes me this in spite of the pain and aches...

It's simply because, I love that person so much...

And no matter what, I will still wanting for that person even if it means a lot...

Still hoping and waiting for that person to come back...

Because, I should be WORTH FIGHTING FOR...

If you can't understand me then, do not just LOOK at me but, STARE at me, even if it hurts, endure it. Because I've endured a lot from you... Then figure me out because, there is something hidden in me that cannot be seen by your naked eyes but only your heart...

"It is only with the heart that one can see rightly.

What is essential is invisible to the eye."

-The Little Prince

I'm back!^^

After a long long time...

I am back!^^ Tagal ko din na hindi nakapagblog..

hhhmmm..

Busy kasi eh..

Speaking of that "Busy" thing...

may narealize ako after a long time na nawala ako...

Last term, last year ang daming nangyari...

Super busy, daming commitment, daming engagements, ang daming changes...

dahil dun, hindi ko namalayan na madami na din palang nawawala...

onti-onti silang nawawala ng hindi ko namamalayan...

dahil sobrang busy ako...

pero may magandang nangyari pa rin naman kahit ganun..

pero nakakapanghinayang na nawala yung mga bagay-bagay na yun...

"Lahat ng bagay na nageexist ay may kani-kanilang purpose kung bakit sila naandito para sa atin, kung bakit tayo naandito para sa kanila. Dapat lang at kailangan lang natin na makita ang mga ito upang habang maaga pa lamang ay napapahalagahan na natin ang mga ito para pag nawala ang mga ito ay hindi tayo manghihinayang. Matuto tayong iappreciate ang mga natatanggap natin maganda man o hindi, isipin na lang natin na itinakda ng Diyos ang mga ito para sa atin dahil makabubuti ito para sa atin. Marahil tayo ay nakalilimot sa mga tungkulin natin, normal lang iyon dahil hindi naman tayo perpekto pero sana sa susunod ay huwag na natin gawin ulit yun. Isa pang importanteng bagay, huwag natin hayaan na mawala ang tiwala ng isang tao sa atin, ang tiwala ay isang napakahalagang bagay dito sa mundo, pagyamanin natin ang tiwala ng ibang tao sa atin, tandaan natin na ang ating pangalan, pagkatao at dignidad ay napakaimportante, huwag natin hayaan na masira ito o mawala, may mga tao sa paligid natin na maninira sa atin, normal lang yun ang dapat lang natin gawin ay pasalamatan sila at huwag ng pagisipan ng masama, tulad nga ng sinabi ng Panginoon sa kaniyang panalangin 'Forgive our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us', '

But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you; Matthew 5:44' Let us not forsake each other, we are brothers and sisters in the eyes of our God Almighty, there are no rich nor poor into his eyes, we are all equal in his eyes. Pahalagahan natin ang bawat isa, at ang bawat biyayang ibinigay sa atin ng Panginoon, maglaan tayo ng panahon para sa mga bagay-bagay sa ating paligid, sa ating mga mahal sa buhay, sa ating sarili at higit sa lahat sa Panginoong Maykapal."

I am a servant of the Lord, and I am accepting Jesus Christ with my whole heart and soul. Being a youth leader; it is my job to share the word of God to every youth and to all.

Oo nga pala...

Migraine by Moonstar88

Oo nga pala, hindi nga pala tayo 
Hanggang dito lang ako, nangangarap na mapa-sayo 
Hindi sinasadya 
Na hanapin pa ang lugar ko 
Asan nga ba ako? Andiyan pa ba sa iyo? 

Nahihilo, nalilito 
Asan ba ko sayo? Aasa ba ko sayo? 

Nasusuka ako, kinakain na ang loob 
Masakit na mga tuhod, kailangan bang lumuhod? 
Gusto ko lang naman, yung totoo 
Yung tipong ang sagot, ay di rin isang tanong 

Nahihilo, nalilito 
Asan ba ko sayo? Asan ba ko sayo? 
Nahihilo, nalilito 
Asan ba ko sayo? Aasa ba ko sayo? 

Dahil, di na makatulog (makatulog) 
Dahil di na makakain (makakain) 
Dahil di na makatawa (makatawa) 
Dahil, di na 

Oo nga pala, hindi nga pala tayo 
Hanggang dito na lang ako 

Nahihilo, nalilito 
Asan ba ko sayo? Asan ba ko sayo? 
Nahihilo, nalilito 
Asan ba ko sayo? Aasa ba ko sayo? 
Nahihilo... Nahihilo... 
Nalilito... 

"Kahit gaano mo kamahal ang isang tao, dadating ang panahon na iiwan ka nya at unti-unting kalilimutan..."

"Kahit gaano kita ka-mahal, hindi mo naman ako kayang mahalin..."

"Kala ko mahal mo ko, pero bakit tinataboy mo ko..."

"Kapag sinaktan ka ng taong mahal na mahal mo mahirap makalimot..."

"Bawat segundo lagi kitang naaalala... ako kaya naaalala mo??..."

"...mahal kita oo, ako ba mahal mo???..."

After a weeks without blogging..

There are lot of things happened during my break.

Lots of extreme emotions and unexplainable feelings.

I now realized that everything is REAL.

If you believe you will survive, if you don't you will not.

Always stay positive even at the last minute because there is no impossible if you will believe.

Now that I realized those things, I may now focus more on my studies

Life would not be REAL if you do not know the real essence of it.

The REAL essence of its existence.

Knowledge cannot be test only in school but in your everyday life.

If you only teach FACTS, then your life may not be completed

but if you teach life, you may find out or you will know  your self well.

My professors are not just only my professors but they are my advisers.

They teaches life.

I was so thankful when I met them.

I owe them a lot.

I want to learn more from them but of course I also want to learn more from my experiences.

Our life is like a line; like my professor in literature and arts said; 

It composes of infinite points that makes it a straight line and sometimes a curve line.

Our life will never be completed if there will be no experiences/challenges and other people in our life.

We can never be whole by our own means.

Of course we need them; our family, friends, love ones etc...; to make our life whole.

Let us not forget to thank those people who taught us life and also to those who do not.

They also become part of our life so lets not forget them.

Forgetting ones humility is a mortal sin.

Happy moments

I'm back! after a long time. Ang daming nangyari nitong mga nagdaang mga araw na hindi ako nakagawa ng blog. Grabe, kakaiba mga nangyari sa 'kin eh..^^ Masaya naman kahit papano..^^

Amazing yung napanuod namin na play ang title nya "Mulan Jr." very amazing din yung araw na yun..^^ hahahahahaha... Ang saya ko nitong mga nagdaan na mga araw pero syempre para balance anjan din ang kalungkutan...

Tapos amazing din ang play namin kahit na maraming mali proud pa rin kami sa mga sarili namin dahil nagtulong-tulong kaming lahat para dun..^^

Ang hectic ng mga sched namin sunod-sunod kasi mga activities sa school tapos malapit na finals.. Dami naming inaasikaso grabe, iba na talaga pag second year ka na..^^ Masaya na nakakapagod din,,^^ pero sulit lahat ng pagod ko kung ang kapalit naman eh masasayang mga alaala kasama ang mga kaibigan mo..^^

First time ko din na magjudge sa isang singing competition. Grabe ang pressure sa kin nun, ang hirap kayang magjudge ng schoolmate mo.. hehe grabe talaga yun, pero ang exciting dun yung mga privileges. Hahaha..

Ang sarap sa pakiramdam kapag Masaya ka habang nakikinig ng music..^^ haay… Tapos makakasama mp pa yung mahal mo.. haaayy…^^

Tapos nagworkshop din kami kay Mr. Eudinice Palaruan ; one of the greatest composer and arranger in the Philippines and a former member of the Philippine Madrigal Singers; grabe amaze na amaze kami sa kanya napakatiyaga nya… natuto kaming lahat sa kanya..^^ pagkatapos  ng nakakapagod na araw na iyon nanuod pa kami ng chorale festival sa may Philam life auditorium, Wow!! Ang galing nilang lahat..^^ lalo na ang Madz and UPCC very amazing!!!^^ gusto ko ulit manuod ng ganun..^^ After naming manuod, dun kami natulog kina Apaul sa Pasay. Hahahaha.. ang saya nga namin eh..^^ first time kong matulog sa manila..^^ kakaibang experience yun eh..^^ ang sarap talagang kasama nina Acee, Percy, Apaul, Sybyl, Nomar, Tope, Cindy and James..^^ nagenjoy ako dun sobra..^^ Tapos nung umaga may biglang nanermon samin kagulat nga eh.. grabe ganun pla sa maynila..^^ hahahahahaha… ang sarap batuktukan nun eh..^^ papasabugin nya daw kami..^^ hahahahahaha… baliw talaga yun eh.. tapos nun dumeretso kami sa MOA mejo nabadtrip yung iba samin kasama na ko dun, pano gutom na… ayun tapos una sa may sbarro kami pumila eh puro pasta dun eh gusto naming kumain ng kanin kaya dun kami sa KFC tapos yun ang daming tao pero sige lang ng sige tapos pagkatpos naming kumain pinapanood namin si Percy nung Yuuuuuckky!!! Na video ni Apaul hahahaha/// nawalan kami ng gana lahat nun eh… tapos mag iice skating sana kami kaso ang mahal lang tsaka pinapauwi na kami ng mga magulang naming tapos yun  di natuloy kaya yun umuwi na kami pero bago yun bumili muna ng cake si Acee grave hanggang ngayon ngccrave pa rin  ako..^^ hahahaha..

Nang makarating ako sa bahay nadatnan ko sina Papa and yung tito ko, buti na lang di ako pinagalitan..^^ hehehehe… nakakapagod yung araw nay un eh.. pano pagdating ko sa bahay nagpalit lang ako ng damit tapos pumunta na ko sa simbahan tapos dumeretso ako sa mga lola ko nakamotor nga kami eh ako driver..^^ hahahahahaha.. angkas ko sina papa pati yung kapatid ko.. tapos yun natulog lang ako sa mga lola ko kaso idlip lang panu ang ingay dun..

Tapos yun..^^ Daming nangyari sa loob lang ng ilang lingo..^^ ang sarap talagang mabuhay..^^ Kahit paminsan nakararamdam ako ng kalungkutan iniisip ko na lang na pagsubok lang ‘to ni God at hindi nya ko pababayaan..^^

I treat heartaches as a challenge and as a gift, because I learned and still learning from it…^^

Mahirap talagang magmahal ng taong ang turing lang sayo ay isang basura, dahil wala kang saysay sa buhay nya. Marahil ako ay nangangarap na balang araw mahalin nya rin ako pero sa panaginip lang maaaring mangyari yun.. Pero nagpapasalamat pa rin ako sa’yo dahil nakilala kita.

 

“Sa likod ng mga kabiguan at kalungkutan, nariyan ang bagong umaga na may dala-dalang pagasa at kasiyahan.”

Hero by Nickelback

I am so high. I can hear heaven.
I am so high. I can hear heaven.

Woah, wherever, 
No heaven
Don't hear me.

And they say that a hero could save us, 
I'm not gonna stand here and wait, 
I'll hold to the wings of the eagles, 
Watch as we all fly away.

Someone told me love would all save us, 
But how can that be, 
Look what love gave us, 
World full of killing, 
And blood-spilling, that world never came.

And they say that a hero could save us, 
I'm not gonna stand here and wait, 
I'll hold on to the wings of the eagles, 
Watch as we all fly away. 
Aaaaa... 

Now that the world isn't ending, 
It's love that I'm sending to you, 
It isn't the love of the hero, 
And that's why I fear it won't do.

And they say that a hero could save us, 
I'm not gonna stand here and wait, 
I'll hold on to the wings of the eagles, 
Watch as we all fly away.

And they're watching us, (watching us)
They're watching us, (watching us)
As we all fly away, 
And they're watching us, (watching us)
And they're watching us, (watching us)
As we all fly away (yeah)
Yeah, 
And they're watching us (watching us)
And they´re watching us (watching us)
As we all fly awayyy, 

Woahhhh.

First Time!!

Isa ito sa pinakamasasayang araw ko sa kolehiyo..^^

hindi ko alam kung panu ko ipararamdam ang aking nadarama pero ako ay masaya..^^

akalain mo kaninang hapon, habang kami ay nagkaklase sa chm013 lumabas ako ng kwarto at bwala!! bigla kong nakasalubong yung crush ko na p.... taz muntik ko na syang makiss as in konting-konti na lang..^^ hahahahaha.. super kilig naman talaga ako..^^

tpos mejo nabadtrip din ako ngayon pero konti lang..^^

that's life..^^

tapos nagpunta kami sa south point dun sa may malapit sa pool..

tapos umambon pa pero sige, tuloy pa rin hanggang sa nagkayayaan kaming magswimming,

sayang nga eh kasi umuwi kagad yung iba tapos kami-kami na lang nina Acee, Nomar, Kech, Ger, Syb, Apaul and Ako ung naiwan dun hanggang sa yun na nga naligo na kami..^^

hahahaha.. ang saya grabe.. first time kong maligo ng nakapantalon tapos si Apaul mas nakakatawa kasi naka... yun na yun.^^ hahahaha.. si nomar din at si ate syb nakapants..^^

pati si ger ha naligo din..^^ ang tindi namin!!

lublob kung lublob..^^

ako nga pinakahuling tumalon sa pool panu nagdadalwang isip ako pero napaligo din ako..^^

hahahaha.. ang saya-saya sobra.

tapos biglang nagdare si acee and ako na mag 2-piece lang yung girls, eh di ayun naka 2-piece kaming 3 nina kech and acee.. first time ko yun ha, take note!^^ minsan lang akong mag ganun ha..^^ ang daming "First" ang nangyari sa akin ngayong araw eh..^^

iisa-isahin ko..

Mga "First Time" kong/namin ginawa ngayong araw:

- First time na makasalubong ang crush n p.... na muntik pang makiss.

- First time maging maganda ang mood nya sa akin.(kung kilala nyo ko alam nyo na kung sino yun..^^)

- First time makausap ng harap-harapan ang crush ko..^^

- First time na magmedyas lang habang naglalandi sa ulan..^^(ang putik tuloy ng medyas ko..^^)

- First time naming magshoot sa south point..^^

- First time maligo sa pool pagkatpos ng klase.

- First time maligo ng nakapantalon..^^

- First time maligo ng nka 2-piece...^^(parang si JN lang eh nu..^^)

- First time makakita ng taong naka 2-piece..(maliban sa kin)

- First time makipagkwentuhan sa gwardya habang naliligo sa pool..(San ka!^^ MaL sina manong..^^ hahahahaha..)

- First time kumain sa kainan(Hobby Savvy..^^) ng basa..

- First time umuwi ng basa at sumakay pa sa likod ng trike na sobrang ginaw..^^

- First time makasama sina Acee, Kech, Nomar, Ger and Apaul sa pool..^^

Ang daming nangyari sa buhay ko ngayong araw... Sana maulit muli ang mga ganitong mga pangyayari..^^

"We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time."  (Thomas Stearns Eliot, aka T. S. Eliot)"

First Time

by Lifehouse

We're both looking for something 
We've been afraid to find 
It's easier to be broken 
It's easier to hide 

Looking at you, holding my breath 
For once in my life I'm scared to death 
I'm taking a chance letting you inside 

I'm feeling alive all over again 
As deep as the sky, under my skin 
Like being in love, she says, for the first time 
Maybe I'm wrong, I'm feeling right 
Where I belong with you tonight 
Like being in love to feel for the first time 

The world that I see inside you 
Waiting to come to life 
Waking me up to dreaming 
Reality in your eyes 

Looking at you, holding my breath 
For once in my life I'm scared to death 
I'm taking a chance letting you inside 

I'm feeling alive all over again 
As deep as the sky, under my skin 
Like being in love, she says, for the first time 
Maybe I'm wrong, I'm feeling right 
Where I belong with you tonight 
Like being in love to feel for the first time 

We're crashing 
Into the unknown 
We're lost in this 
But it feels like home 

I'm feeling alive all over again 
As deep as the scar that's under my skin 
Like being in love, she says, for the first time 
Maybe I'm wrong, I'm feeling right 
Where I belong with you tonight 
Like being in love, she says, for the first time 
Like being in love to feel for the first time 

Like being in love, she says, for the first time 
Like being in love to feel for the first time

This is for you...

Songs of my day:

You're Beautiful by James Blunt

My life is brilliant.

My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,
'Cause I've got a plan.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

Yeah, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
Flying high, [ - video/radio edited version]
Fucking high, [ - CD version]
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.

Beauty and Madness by Fra Lippo Lippi

Over there, just beneath the moon,  There's a man with a burden to keep,  Now sleep will fall, washouts, rags and paperbags  Homes and lives passing by.   Chorus  Who will see the beauty in your life  And who will be there to hear you when you call  Who will see the madness in your life.  And who will be there to catch you if you fall.   Dreams run wild, as lovers find their way through the night,  Not a care in the world  And over there, from the twinkling of the lights, harbour lights  Say goodnight one more time  

Repeat Chorus