Monday, May 3, 2010

It's been a year...

It's been exactly 1 year since I'd last posted on my blog...
Sobrang dami ng nangyari sa buhay ko and parang I ended up with only NOTHING.
Sobrang daming pains and heartaches na naranasan ko 1 taon matapos akong huling magpost sa blog na 'to...
It seems like this blog is my personal diary, but it's not a secret at all kasi I want to share to you everything that I have...
As of now, I'm still floating in the air, mourning and grieving for the lost of my only love...
Not the literal Lost na namatay but Break-up...
I still can't accept the fact na iniwan na ako ng taong sobrang minahal ko even though in a short period of time...
Para kasi sakin, when you are in love, it doesn't matter how long your relationship last but what matter is the importance and the love that you are giving to each other...
Para kasi sa kanya, siguro, mahalaga kung gaano katagal na naging kayo...
Honestly speaking, mahal na mahal ko pa rin sya...
sobrang mahal na mahal ko pa rin sya hanggang ngayon kahit na sabihin pa nya sakin na mas gusto nya na mawala na lang ako ng tuluyan, patuloy ko pa rin syang minamahal...
It's been almost a year na wala na kami...
Pero, masakit pa rin hanggang ngayon eh...
I've been suffering in sever depression for almost a year and I can't do nothing in it...
I've lost myself already... Cheated myself... Hurt myself...
And now, I'm ended up with nothing...
Hindi ko talaga maintindihan kung bakit hindi ako maintindihan ng ibang tao....
Ganun ba talaga ako kaiba sa kanila at hirap na hirap silang intindihin ako???
Siguro nga I'm really a MORON tulad ng sinabi ng ex ko...
pero in spite that, I'm still hoping for some changes between the two of us...
gusto ko sanang maibalik yung maganda naming samahan kahit hindi katulad ng dati...
masaya kasi ako kapag napapasaya ko sya... kapag napapatawa... napapangiti...
pero, lagi na lang syang nagiinsist...
I'm so drunk in this forlorn...
They're getting tired of listening to me because I always say same things all the time but they do not know why and do not intend to know it...
Ako rin, napapagod na, and sometimes I think na magsuicide na lang dahil I'm losing hope...
I can't focus on one thing anymore, especially on my studies...
I've got failing marks because of this[depression]...
I'd lost interest on the things that I'm doing regularly before our break-up...
I'd lost EVERYTHING...
And now, I'm seeking for help but, nobody wants to help me...
Instead, they are just pulling me down unto the grave...
I do not know now how to be myself again...
because this is not me at all...
I'm a very different person now after the break-up...
Still hoping for the person who causes me this in spite of the pain and aches...
It's simply because, I love that person so much...
And no matter what, I will still wanting for that person even if it means a lot...
Still hoping and waiting for that person to come back...
Because, I should be WORTH FIGHTING FOR...


If you can't understand me then, do not just LOOK at me but, STARE at me, even if it hurts, endure it. Because I've endured a lot from you... Then figure me out because, there is something hidden in me that cannot be seen by your naked eyes but only your heart...



"It is only with the heart that one can see rightly.
What is essential is invisible to the eye."

-The Little Prince